Thursday, May 20, 2010

We're doing In-Vitro Fertilization.

I usually don't write very personal things on this blog. I guess I just don't like the thought of someone being able to google my name and read my entire life story. But on the scale of monumental things that happen in a persons life... this is pretty up there on the list. I probably won't leave this post up forever but I have a few sweet friends in blogland that have been checking in and asking. After actively trying to conceive for over 2 years we've learned that IVF is our only option to have children of our own. The last 6 months have been pretty brutal.
Today (5/15/10)…
I feel like an alien in my own skin.
This picture is from our first shipment of meds. I've received two more packages since I photographed this one. I’m injecting myself with shots (up to 4 a day), pills (handfuls), suppositories (3 times a day) and patches (currently wearing 4)
I’m crying all of the time for no reason

In the last 2 months I have started crying:
-When I’ve gotten out of bed
-In the shower
-Putting on clothes
-After a nice breakfast out
-When I couldn’t find anything to eat in the fridge for lunch
-Pulling weeds in the yard
-After a glass of wine with a friend
-When I bought the wrong color of stain for the fence
-Pretty much every afternoon and evening
-And always when I start talking about how frequently I’m crying…

4 weeks ago I literally had ovaries the size of softballs. Even though I’ve had all of those eggs sucked out, my stomach is still bulging from the daily hormone injections. Four people in the last six weeks have asked me if I was pregnant. It made me feel super annoyed. Surprisingly… it didn’t make me cry. Just annoyed.

Monday is the big day. Monday (5/24/10) is the day they thaw a couple of our embryos (that have been frozen for 4 weeks) and implant them into my uterus. I will be on bed rest for a couple of days. Nine days later.. I take a pregnancy test. I’m excited and really really nervous.
I went to yoga almost every day last week and it really helped calm my nerves.
But I’m scared and hopeful.

I'm looking forward to a quiet summer break. I'm spending most of the month of July in Idaho with my family so it should be really restful.
Thanks friends for being so kind. xo Hope you enjoy your weekend. :)


Debra Bonson said...

Sending thoughts your way. Stay stong. You will be an incredible mom! It will all be worth it!!!

lumikha said...

aww...i'm sorry it makes you cry at some of the most random times. i will keep you in my prayers. hang in there. :) *hugs*

Melissa said...

I'm excited for you!!!!!! I hope it all works out!

hint said...

Oh Tamara, you are so strong and brave! Much love to you and your husband on this journey to create new life.

Carol Anne said...

Wow! Praying for you! I hope everything turns out great. Me & my husband have been trying for a year and half. I get frustrated & cry a lot when I see all my newlywed friends getting pregnant. You are strong and an inspiration!

emily said...

love you tam. eb

Kristin said...

My husband and I have been trying for a year, with no success :( The whole process has been emotionally draining. Every month I get my hopes up, and every month I end up depressed. I wish all the best to you and your family! It's nice hearing someone talk honestly about the whole process! I'll keep you in my prayers:)

mairedodd said...

in vitro is a gift that does not come for free, that is sure.. you are so dedicated and strong... your body has been on a roller coaster... the very best of luck... and what a lucky child he or she will be to know what you went through to conceive... best, best, best luck!

Ivy@PaperElixir said...

Oh wow, sorry I have not been to your blog for a while and didn't realize you went through all of that... Being pregnant and expecting a child is already such an emotional journey (for me), it must be that much more challenging having to go through this process to get to that point. But looks like you've made it ;) I'm keep my fingers crossed that everything else go smoothly for you from here on out!